Standing up for my Beliefs

(Please read the entry title "Does a Phoenix Have a Gender" before proceeding to this entry.)

I felt extremely nervous about my first session with a gender therapist.  What if she told me that she thought I was not “trans enough” to transition?  I do not know how I would have handled that kind of rejection, but kept the appointment anyway. 

I saw my gender therapist for the first time in June of 2011.  The first session was your typical session that happens at any first visit.  I was asked when my gender confusion began.  I told her that my issues began around the middle of my teenage years.  My feelings came out of the blue for no reason whatsoever.  I told my therapist that I had no clue how these feelings developed or why they came out in my teenage years.  The therapist responded by telling me that my story was not as uncommon as I thought it was.  I felt a lot better about myself after the first session was over.  My father told me that he wanted me to “stay as male.” 

I did not see my therapist too often during this time period due to a lack of money.  I probably only saw her about a total of seven times in four years.  I figured out the majority of my issues on my own anyway.  If I would have seen a therapist earlier in my life, then I might have needed more sessions, but that was not the case. 

One of my major concerns was trying to please my father and still do what I wanted at the same time.  I actually flipped out on my birthday in the year 2012.  My father kept asking me why I always sounded so angry with him.  I finally let him have it.  I told him the reason that I was angry was because he would not accept me as Lauren.  My father then told me that my gender issues were a farce.  He also accused me of always going against the norm.  My father told me that he did not have to accept my disability whatsoever.  He could have just walked out on me, and that was that.  I was also to blame for the reason that my nephew never came down to visit us.  That theory was obviously complete garbage.      

I was not going to hide my feelings about I was from my father any longer.  If he did not like the decision that I had made, then that was a problem that only he would have to do with.  I knew who I wanted to be, and no could stop me regardless of how hard he or she would be willing to try.